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The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter where I bokep was kept awake all night by a woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French word for memek caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, bokeh she rolled her eyes and crot declared the woman bokeh an ‘actrice’, crot or memek sex worker.

Now, porn according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, crot it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know bokeh and bokep all men dread – the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokep the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked. In other words, porn you can’t measure passion in terms of decibels: memek there’s sex as performance art, porn and crot sex as genuine intimacy. And bokep when a woman is genuinely aroused, crot trusts her partner and bokep is not fearing for memek a fragile male memek ego, crot she’s far more likely to gently sigh and bokeh moan than shriek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, bokeh female contributors regularly confessed to faking orgasms. It was generally on an occasional basis, bokep they’d explain, bokeh so they could make their partner feel happy, memek while conserving their energy for memek other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They declared that erotic decibels were all about manners and memek ‘manipulation’, crot and bokep that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage their partners over the finishing line, memek so to crot speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokeh the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: crot ‘I’m enjoying this, crot but can you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, bokep ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented crot hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, crot where loud always equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland crot said in 2014 after neighbours complained that her sexual yowling drowned out their memek TVs: bokep ‘As far as I’m concerned, crot porn that’s what bokep you should be doing.’

Well, bokeh only if you want to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book, bokeh Sex bokep At Dawn, bokeh Christopher Ryan and bokeh Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason women were noisy during sex – based on observation of our nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males that they were fertile and porn keen to copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, memek I can understand crot the need to advertise. But if you’re not, memek then men should take heed: porn the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris